Three Tips to Save Your Marriage

Remember that day when you saw her the first time. She was your angel sent from above. She was the most beautiful of all creatures on earth. She was the best among the women you have ever seen. Her smile enlightened your face. You had trouble finding words to express your feelings. You wished you had been a poet or the greatest singer of all times, just to sing for her. She might have been raised in you city or in a neighboring province or even another country or a continent very far away. The fact is, when you saw her, your heart started pumping. You wanted to be with her for ever. You kept your eyes on her or you watched while she wasn’t watching. You wanted to swallow her alive and keep her for yourself only. You dreamed of creating one body and one spirit. You wanted to give her your possessions and others belongings. I mean, you promised the whole world as if it was yours.

Today you have her. Your dreams came true. Days have passed and years have passed. Children came or did not come yet. You have had a chance to discover each other’s personality. Today, you are going to work from Monday to Friday. You don’t have time for her anymore. You don’t have time for the children. You leave your dog locked in the house the whole day. When you come home, you are tired and she is tired too because she too, has been working. You don’t smile any more. You don’t say Hi when you open the door. You are upset, depressed, you are arguing, yelling and full of negativity. You are breaking your own stuff. Your family is on the verge of collapse…

If you are the person or know a friend in this situation, please read the following three tips to saving a marriage

Love

Love is the greatest of all emotions. It is also the greatest and the cheapest gift we can give to one another and to the entire Humanity. If you truly loved this lady, if it wasn’t for her body, if she truly loved you, then go back to those days of honey moon, share what was uniting you. Go through those pictures you took together and remind yourselves that those days are still here and now to enjoy again. There was something spiritual that united both of you and will never die even if you had to be separated. Bank on that force to strengthen your relationships. It is there waiting for you to welcome it back in your lives.

If she refuses to pay the bills, go ahead and pay them. Do not let money or your financial situation ruin your family. Husband and wife, boy friend and girls friend, partners have different levels of financial education. Whoever feels that he/she understands finances better should take on the responsibilities. If you take the job of family accountant, you need to be transparent. You need to explain what you are doing and why. But remember also that each person has his/her priorities or what he/she calls priorities.

You may need to seek the expert advice as well if you can’t agree on priorities. The most important is to understand that, while you want to achieve your goal walking in a certain path, your partner may be agreeing with the same purpose but choosing a different path. Negotiate the common ground for collaboration and move forward. And if you are a man, you probably understand that the woman is the inspiration for your greatest achievements in life. She can also be the reason for your failure if you don’t do the right things.

Sex

Sometimes, sex can be a reason for people to separate. One may think the other is having an affair because he/she is not ready for sex. The sex drive may differ from one person to another. May be he/she doesn’t like it. Or maybe he/she is not in the mood, there is a medical condition, a bad memory like past sexual abuse etc.. Here, communication is very important. For example, when you opened that door and found her washing plates in the kitchen, did you say Hi? Did you say “how was your day? Did you smile? If you did not do that, then do it the next time you open that door.

I don’t say you must play the actor like in a movie, I just say you should try this habit because it works. Thank her for those small jobs she has done in the house. She may have cooked for you, washed those plates you hate to wash, cleaned the floor, washed your clothes etc. You know my friend, you may think that you can live with her. Let me tell you: you can’t live without her either.

If you have done something wrong and you notice that she is upset, apologize quickly. It she has put on a nice dress, compliment her. Tell her that you like her dress, her hair, her smile. It is true the dress is nice but you don’t have the courage to say that. But I am pretty sure that you say that to other women. Do the same to your wife. It doesn’t cost you a dime. Avoid any type of argument with her. Actually, you should avoid arguing with anybody. Respect people’s opinions and keep yours for yourself. No one will force you to marry his opinions in a democratic country. But always make sure you are giving value to that lady or to that man. If you fail to do that, she/he will be tempted to find that value from somewhere else. If you keep your partner happy, she/he will feel attracted to you and feel ready to give what you want.

Romance

Find time for your partner. Take her to the movie if she likes it. Find out about her hobbies. Take her to the restaurant, to a coffee shop etc. Choose carefully the subject of your conversation. Do not remind her the mistakes of the past. If she is interested in talking to another man, do not be jealous. Keep it cool and keep your trust in her.

Do not forget her birthday. Get that cake and those flowers ready. On her birthday, be creative, find a way to surprise her. Use her best friends for brainstorming.  If you think she will suspect your preparations based on the purchases you brought home, arrange to keep some stuff at the friend’s house until the D day. Give your partner some space to meet with his/her own friends, explore her/his own hobbies that may be of no interest to you. Remember, you marriage shouldn’t seem like a prison cell. Freedom is invaluable.